Wow. Who knew I would be such a bad blogger after only 2 posts? I think this is my problem: I get in the mood to do something but it never lasts. It feels like work to keep up a blog.. unless I'm in the mood. I'll adjust.
I don't have much of a "coming out" story like some people do. I kinda/sorta knew for awhile but I didn't mention anything to anyone. My best friend at the time (she's bi) knew and so did her girlfriend. I never really cared what people thought of me so that's not what held me back. I just thought it would be easier to come out to people if I was already seeing someone. Plus, I went through the awesome 'exception to the rule' phase. You know that phase. You like one girl but you're not ready to commit to the title of a different sexual orientation because, hey, it's only one girl. Ahah. That's silly. Anyway.. I started seeing this girl who I met through a sport that I'm into. We weren't really girlfriends. She preferred to just "roll with it". She was also 15 years older than me. But whatever. A few months before I started dating this girl, I had toyed around with the idea of preparing my mother. So I made it a hypothetical situation. "Mom, what IF I were gay? I'm not! But what if I were??" .. My mom, knowing that my best friend was bi, said.. "I don't mind gay people, I just don't want one in my family." Alright. Okay. Whatever.
So I start seeing, or "rolling with", this girl. Perfect time to come out. But how do I do it? Turns out, I got the help of a psychic 'medium'. My mother went to this old lady who is a 'medium' and works with dead people and all that sort. Well, basically, she told my mom that I'm gay. How weird is that? I came out to her that day, lol. She of course made it about her. *tears* "How am I ever going to have grandchildren?!" ... "Forget that fact that you have TWO other children, Mom, lesbian's can still have babies!" She cried, she called it a phase, she told me I was huring her. I again reiterated that it wasn't ABOUT HER. I will tell you exactly why my mom had a problem with it. It was not because she was morally opposed. She had no religious reasons. None of that. My mom is the type of person who cares an awful lot about what people think of her. The mere thought of having to tell someone that her daughter is a lesbian sent her reeling. My mother also places a great emphasis on the way that people look. To her, me having a girlfriend meant that I would be walking around with a mullet & flannel wearing, lumberjack butch lesbian. This would kill her. These superficial reasons are the reasons. It's not because she thought I might have a harder life and she was concerned about me. Nope. She just was concerned that my girlfriend wouldn't be cute.
Anyway. I fully came out to my friends at that point in time. I completely skipped the bi phase after that. I just knew I would not be with a guy ever again. I stopped "rolling with" that girl after a couple of months and kept pretty low key. My mom was still hoping this was all just a phase. Surprisingly, my step-dad (who is normally an asshole about EVERYTHING under the sun) was very cool with it. He just didn't care. And that was very awesome. My mom held on to the belief that I just hadn't met the right guy yet (how many of you have heard that before?!).. I started dating this girl, KP. This was the first girl my parents met. KP is probably 80 lbs soaking wet, long hair, makeup, wears Hollister and A&F. Needless to say, my mom made a miraculous turn around. Suddenly it was okay that I was gay. Time may have helped... but I'm certain KP's girly girl style eased my mom's mind. Ridiculous.
Now, my mom is completely cool. I know she still holds negative views against a lot of gay people.. but she would never tell me about it. She loves my girlfriend (more than me, I'm pretty positive). I'm out to everyone in my life with the exception of my mother's mother. She's very religious and very old. She'll never get it and I don't need to give her another thing to pray about. She already said she'd disown anyone in her family if they were gay. I'm just going to leave well enough alone with that one. I've never had a negative experience with my gayness. I mean, there are ignorant people anywhere.. and maybe because people don't generally peg me as a lesbian.. it's easier... but I've never been called out and told that I was going to burn in hell. But I wouldn't care if that happened. I'm seriously proud of who I am and I'm proud that I'm able to experience the greatest love I can between two people.
